Fraternity among true friends must be based on sincerity

NO ONE can stand alone in society. As living beings, humans inherently need to foster friendships and seek meaningful partnerships. In fact, individuals are not always saints or enlightened beings – those considered the noblest in various religions – who can maintain sincerity at all times. Our mindsets change constantly, and therefore, no one can guarantee that an individual can sustain genuine fraternity based on sincerity forever.

Forging genuine friendship among individuals

The term “genuine friendship” may seem unfamiliar to some people. In reality, genuine friendship can often be intertwined with insincere actions from those who feign a positive mindset in society while their true intentions are not sincere. Their motivations may be rooted in deceitful behaviours, and they do not seek to cultivate meaningful partnerships with others. Such actions are detrimental to social relationships. Unfortunately, those who advocate for the necessity of genuine friendship may sometimes fall victim to these deceitful individuals.

This topic does not focus on wanting to express genuine friendship between one person and another. Rather, it aims to address the insincerity often present, especially among young people, who might pretend to be friendly with someone they actually have romantic feelings for.

For example, some guys pretend to be friendly with some girls in an attempt to propose their love to those girls one day. So, those guys initiate their movements before proposing their love for girls. It can be said that their actions are not sincere for friendship.

Those males and females culturing so-called friendliness are not concerned with this topic.

The main point is that when two people become friends, regardless of whether they are of the same gender or different genders – they may be a male and another male or, a male and a female or a female and another female. In this case, it is important for them to have a sincere attitude towards each other.

It is very important that between individuals, there should be no exploitation of each other’s weaknesses, no harsh criticisms, and a focus on helping and supporting one another. In fact, it is public ethics for all. Actually, such public ethics are being practised in Myanmar’s society. It is important to respect each other and work together. If everybody has a good relationship, they should monitor the expectations somebody set for each other. Anybody should not act in ways that harm their friend’s interests. If you discover any harm to someone’s interests, you should speak up to prevent it. You should also avoid making negative comments. Even if you encounter misunderstandings from your friends regarding your actions, you must have the courage to intervene and prevent them from making mistakes or straying onto the wrong path for their own sake. Importantly, genuine friends must uphold a concept that they must dare to serve the interests of each other, avoiding inappropriate actions, pretending, one-sided exploitation and influence, and having no hegemony attitude.

Fake friendliness

Some people, who are only focused on finding weaknesses and exploiting them tend to jump at opportunities to enhance their own interests while overlooking the good of their friends. Those individuals will eventually end up on a list of friends to avoid. You will know for yourself where you belong on that list. In reality, friendship is a secondary relationship in life. Siblings and family are the primary connections, no matter how bad things may get. Blood ties are unbreakable. Friendship is formed after surpassing those familial bonds, making it a secondary relationship.

The title ‘unscrupulous friends’ is harsh, but it is difficult to find a better term for them. Everyone should avoid friends like this. In truth, they should not even be called ‘friends’, as that word does not fit people like them. They are more like enemies, as they are close enough to cause harm or threats to those they claim to befriend, lacking sincerity and loyalty. As those unfaithful friends cannot be compared with genuine friends, the status of those persons who lack loyalty is very far from the family members. Indeed, even family members with bad attitudes are better than those disloyal friends.

Good friendliness

In reality, everyone has experienced that having a true friend can be more reassuring and dependable than having blood relatives. Good friends are those who, despite being very close for years, are always ready to help you in times of need. I want to challenge the saying that having one enemy is enough when you have a hundred friends. Instead, I want to say that having a true friend is far more valuable than having a hundred enemies; with a true friend, you can truly enjoy life.

Actually, no one can be fully defined forever. Generally, it is true that disloyal and insincere friends are a danger to genuine friendship. On the other hand, true friends are dependable as well as reliable, standing by their partners in times of emergency and trouble. These loyal friends are ready to give a helping hand to their partners in any situation, even when facing difficulties themselves. If you want to know the character of true friends, you should look for them during times of crisis. True friends will prove to be better than siblings. If you have a true friend, consider yourself lucky.

Living a thousand miles apart A true friend is someone with whom you may live a thousand miles apart, yet your hearts are very close. Even though there are many people around you, we live in a time where there are often those who only watch to take advantage of you or bring you harm.

Though living more than a thousand miles apart, two faithful friends remain connected through shared thoughts and perceptions. Despite the distance, they prioritize staying informed about each other to offer support whenever needed. Their help is given freely, without any expectation of return, as a form of sacrifice. Both deeply understand each other’s minds and souls, always seeing opportunities to assist their friends as acts of kindness. The actions of true friends may seem strange to those who are used to exploiting opportunities for selfish gain.

Sacrifices in friendship If you truly cherish your friendships, you cannot just take advantage of them without consideration. You should think about how you can bring benefits to your friends. Always keep an ear open to their circumstances and be ready to help in times of need.

You should reflect on what you have already given to your friends. It is important to be content with the sacrifices you make for their well-being. For friends who have a mutual desire to support each other, life’s journey will be filled with joy and blessings.

In this regard, the acts of sacrifice between two true friends are endless, rooted in esprit de corps. In genuine friendship, true friends never keep track of the gratitude they owe each other, but they always remember the gratitude of others. They strive daily to find the right moment to repay these debts of gratitude. This is a beautiful concept for all humanity and societies. If everyone upheld this kind of moral integrity, society would flourish with prosperity, peace, and happiness, and conflicts and wars could be avoided.

Ethics in friendship 

There is one more thing. If friendships are genuine, you should be aware of and avoid any deceitful or manipulative behaviours towards each other. Making something non-existent seem real is truly shameful. Manipulation is the work of weak individuals. If friends start speaking deceitfully to one another, it shows that the one doing so is genuinely unfulfilled. You should also reflect on whether the words you say come off as manipulative. Why? It is because manipulation can lead to emotional turmoil. The consequence is that it can cause friends to feel disappointed and hurt.

In this case, I would like to share one of my experiences with all of you. Around 2001, while I was working in Mandalay, I had a friend. At the time, I thought we shared the same mindset. He was very skilled at his job but was constantly boasting. He always

sought to gain privileges over me in various ways and never contributed to shared expenses.

For instance, whenever we had snacks or tea, he never offered to pay. However, I overlooked this because his salary was lower than mine.

Over time, he began trying to dominate us and interfere in my affairs. He consistently showcased his own strengths but never acknowledged the accomplishments of others. I realized that he was jealously competing with me in all aspects, even though his position at the workplace was lower than mine, he was also younger than me. As a result, I gradually became disappointed by his inappropriate behaviours.

One day, he called me at midnight. When I answered, he bragged – without any real reason– that his wife had been selected to go abroad. Despite usually avoiding calls to save money, he had no problem disturbing my sleep to boast about his wife’s trip. How ironic! Generally, he never called others when he did not have any reasons for boasting. I had experienced similar occurrences of his inappropriate actions several times. When I could no longer tolerate his behaviours, I cut off all contact with him, and we have not spoken since.

Understanding inappropriate acts and words However, if true friendships really exist, then there is no reason for such deceitful behaviours to occur. Those who understand how certain actions and words can impact genuine friendships will consciously avoid them. If manipulation does happen, it is common for one friend to forgive the other, as both sides may have experienced it themselves.

In fact, forgiveness and patience are still essential qualities in relationships among true friends, even if they are not explicitly stated. Nevertheless, you may have also observed that these qualities of forgiveness and patience are rarely taken for granted among genuine friends.

In fact, intentional or unintentional acts of boasting and deceit may sometimes occur between two friends. These actions can be analyzed based on the context of their conversations. True friends, however, are open with each other and regularly reflect on their behaviour to ensure it is not perceived as boasting. This self-awareness is simply part of being true friends. Daily interactions between them continue, and in summary, both are keen to preserve their strong bond by avoiding any inappropriate actions or words.

Self-analysis on having honesty in friendship 

In this case, honesty in friendship means that when friends come together, they should be free of expectations and hidden agendas. If people can genuinely relate to each other without deceit, then true friends can emerge. If this doesn’t happen, then friendships may only exist at a superficial level, like fleeting appearances of characters in a movie. You might find yourself in a situation where your friendships are just passing acquaintances instead of genuine connections. You can also reflect on what type of friend you are and how you contribute to those relationships.

In this fleeting human existence, where we only have a moment like a bubble, I hope that everyone encounters true friends and builds genuine relationships. May you also be able to embrace your friends with the spirit of true friendship.

Source- The Global New Light of Myanmar